Growing up, Christmas and holiday commercials were always some of the most memorable advertising, especially for us agency folk. Who can forget the enchantment of those musical Hershey’s Kisses or the Lite-Brite spectacle of Coca-Cola trucks cruising through town?
Not everyone, however, agrees with the use of magic and wonder in advertising today, especially around the holidays. Here to comment on the most heartwarming—and therefore offensive—holiday commericals of 2014 are our resident holiday spirit experts, Mr. Scrooge and Mr. Grinch.
Mr. Scrooge on “Santa Flies Coach”
“It pains me even to entertain the ridiculous notion that an immortal elf exists, let alone one that has the capacity and sheer capital required to supply the world’s children with presents (while their hands should be occupied with work rather than playing). However, I am willing to suspend reality for the sake of this review, which is—in and of itself—ridiculous.
“Removing a man from his chosen profession, of which he has reached the highest echelons, is at best irresponsible, and at worst, dangerous. Not only are his travels frivolous and wasteful on their face, but their intent seems to be delivering hope to the masses. And believe me, hope is one thing you DO NOT want them to have. There is an order to be maintained. A place for everyone, and everyone in their place. And don’t get me started on what the elf laborers back at the workshop must be doing without supervision.
“My assessment of this commercial: propaganda for the weak-minded.”
Mr. Grinch on “The Gift of Giving”
“Better to give than receive? I protest! Getting those glorious gifts is the best!
Spend your money on me, buy me presents galore! I’ll take it all, give me more, more, more, more!
Be thou not stingy, buy out the whole store!
“And don’t be deceived, thinking giving’s a treasure! Opening packages brings much more pleasure!
If you don’t believe me, give me presents a while. In the end we’ll see who’s wearing the smile….”
Mr. Scrooge on “Monty The Penguin”
“A flightless, arctic waterfowl and a human child sharing a friendship defined by wasting time? I don’t even know where to begin.
“Let’s suppose, for the sake of argument, that this child’s parents actually allow him to fritter away his days with meaningless diversions. Is he incapable of forming bonds with other creatures of his own species? Shouldn’t his time be consumed by more responsible endeavors, such as procuring gainful employment in the textile mills or acid mines? And what of the anthropomorphic waterfowl? Love? Don’t make me laugh.
“Oh, but fear not. It was all a ruse and we’ve been had. We are, all of us, victims of this listless child’s insane imaginings.
“Complete waste of time. You’ll be receiving a bill.”
Mr. Grinch on “Christmas Is For Sharing”
“Singing carols in spite of such a grim view, shaking hands, making nice like Whos, with wonderful mustaches, and soccer balls, too?!
At least throw a few elbows! Remember to win! Playing friendly on Christmas is nearly a sin!
Revealing your loved ones is also unwise. It makes you seem lovey and dovey, besides.
“This is war, soldier—eyes on the prize! You need your heart shrunk by at least a full size.
All this compassion sounds a whole lot like treason. What a terrible way to ring in the Season.”