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Back to the Future in 2014
Back to the Future in 2014

The New Year is always a strange and exciting time for me. Significant time-markers always make me a little nostalgic and reflective. It doesn’t help that my birthday arrives a week after The New Year. Not only do I have to remember to write two new digits at the end of the date box, I also have to remember to write two new digits in the age box.

Instead of focusing on things like that, I usually try to sit with my thoughts a little more and think about how far I’ve come, and how far we’ve all come. To change things up a bit this year, I’ve decided to reflect on how far we haven’t come.

Here are four things I definitely thought we’d have by 2014, and we definitely don’t:

1. Hoverboards

Since Marty McFly floated into our lives with his puffy vest and one-liners, we’ve been waiting for the day we’d all get the chance to float across the sky. Excitement for Mattel’s “hoverboard” toy quickly died down when we reviewers reported that it didn’t actually hover. Unfortunately, “Back to the Future II” came out in 1989, and we still have no indicator this awesome device will be made available to the general public anytime soon. Best to rest our hopes on a less grounded 2015, the year Marty actually glided into our hearts.

2. Clones ‘R’ Us
I can’t think of one good reason we shouldn’t have some clones running around. Okay, that’s a lie. I can think of a ton of reasons why clones aren’t a great idea. But that’s never stopped us before! This is America!

To be fair, I don’t want any ol’ person to be able to get a clone. But for those of us who work hard and have a lot of good ideas, why shouldn’t we have clones to help see a few of those plans come to fruition? We should at least be able to apply to get a clone. Except for people who have a twin. Don’t be greedy, guys.

3. Superheroes
As I enter my late-20’s, my delusional belief that one day my hidden superpowers will reveal themselves to me persists. Even if mine haven’t, I assumed someone else’s would have by now. Where are the innately-flawed men and women in tights defending us from the most evil versions of ourselves? Where are the light signals in the sky? Where have all the cowboys gone? I’m aware that with great power comes great responsibility, but nobody’s even on the job yet. Meanwhile, I can’t wait until my telekinesis kicks in.

4. Tourist Space Travel

On Tuesday it was colder in Canada than it was on Mars. I’ve never been to Canada, but I’m pretty sure I could survive it, so why can’t I go to Mars? Look, I would save every spare coin I have to go to Mars (and come back). It seems that the United States is missing out on an opportunity for an extremely lucrative tourist trap. Seriously, you could probably just tell me that you need to give me a shot to make me go to sleep, and I’ll wake up on Mars. Then, wake me up on a cleverly disguised movie set in Burbank, California. It really doesn’t matter. I want to believe. Shut up and take my money.

2014 there’s a lot you can get done this year to make sure 2015 doesn’t make the same mistakes. Don’t disappoint me.